the rain is pouring down and it has not done any good to lift up my mood. i am as gloomy as the weather…

last night, i kept dreaming of owning a cellphone.. make that a Nokia 6680 cellphone. i know it is not the best cellphone there is. but i cant help it if i dream about it, right? hehe *sigh* though i know it is far from becoming a reality, a girl can dream…hehehe

aside from dreaming of good things last night, i also had a nightmare. ack.. i dont want to remember it..but in a weird way, i pretty much do remember it. and i dont like it! inasmuch as i would love to tell it to the world. this time, i think im keeping it to myself. hehe i blame my lack of sleep on my bed!!! i can hardly sleep these days..and i think it is because of that bed.

that bed has been with me since elementary..and it is still good, mind you, but right now, instead of it being my most favorite place in the world, i sleeping in it right now. i guess it is getting old now.. hehehe

i would love to rant and rave more, but i have other things to mope on, and other things to address.. toodles.

XOXO

yesterday was the first christmas spent together with my new family.. and i must say. everything… was.. eye-opening.

christmas eve got me making salad after which i tried hard to get sophie to sleep even though so many firecrackers were going off outside our house. at least after a few minutes the kids stopped setting them off because dhirrac ordered them to stop.

at 12 a.m. dhirrac woke me up and greeted me a Merry Christmas, and asked me to come downstairs to eat. i guess the firecrackers going off at that moment were just too loud because sophie woke up just in time as well. so, we went down and ate a little… after an hour or so of mingling, we went back upstairs, and i fell back to sleep. hehehe..

in the morning, we woke up late and had breakfast, went to my gwama’s house for lunch, and then went back home. after which, sophie wanted to sleep to i took her upstairs so i could sleep as well. however, i think i spent most of the afternoon just watching TV waiting for sophie to wake up – which she eventually did, at 6 p.m.! wah! and then we went downtown and caught the last mass. after that, we went around town, stopped at the sort-of “flea-market” to look around, went back home, slept, and now im at work. there!

so yeah.. my christmas was quite uneventful. nothing much really happened. but can you blame me..? i have finally seen what christmas is in another family… and you know what i learned..? i learned that i was so lucky to have spent this christmas with my new family, for i would never have learned to really appreciate the so many others that came before this.

its rather hard to explain… but for the past few days, i have been on this soul trip learning to appreciate what i had by listening to what dhirrac had to go through growing up. and even though for a bigger part of my life, i thought my life s*cked, it just goes to show that even if you do not have a lot in life, and life may be rough… think nothing of it, because somewhere out there, somebody is having a harder life than you are.

even though i did not receive and gifts this christmas… well, no material gifts that is, i think that what i learned is probably one of the greatest gifts i could ever get. Thank you, God.

i still havent recovered from my reverie… and so i bid you farewell for now..:) its a lonely christmas… but its okay… i’ll live. hehe

XOXO

currently listening to: Snow (hey oh..)

despite the fact that i am stuck in the office working, it pretty much has not deterred me from being a little happy. let us just say that i probably got sprinkled with some cheer dust last night while gift-wrapping. though i think it was just a fairly small amount, its enough to get me out of my pre-Grinch mood.

i am.. or probably was in a pre-Grinch mood as of yesterday.. but now, the inclination is not as much as it was. however, there is that inkling of sadness left in my heart. the unexplainable sadness is still there…

yesterday, however, i received this amazing gift. it was not of any material value since it did not come in a material form. rather, it was something for my soul… a la Chicken Soup for Lurchie’s soul. and i thank God for that.

as i look forward to the tolling of the bell on midnight, i wish you all a Merry Christmas!! and may everybody be happy, blessed, content, and most of all, loved on Christmas day! may families rejoice, celebrate, and party to their hearts content. and if some would not receive any gifts on Christmas, may you have gifts for your souls!

let’s all sing We Are The Reason

XOXO

its crazy, really, but i dont understand my swings from being excited to go around town even just to window shop, and actually being there and be miserable because i cant buy a single thing..!! a part of me feels so happy for the cheer around me, and then i get a sudden burst of sadness. this, i do not understand.

does this mean i really do not have a shred of happiness for the season…? i guess its the memories i have that refuse to go away. and yet, i think i have been like this since forever… i think there is something missing in every christmas i have had since i was a kid. its not the presents or whatever. i have another theory, though, maybe it’s the lack of gifts to give this christmas…? i dont know…but i sure wish i had more christmas cheer this year.

~~

yesterday, i finally gave in to myself and went out – by myself. normally, its fine with me if i had to go around town by myself. but yesterday, i never felt so alone. despite the busy streets the filled stores, and the number of people i ran into while walking around. it felt rather -blah- going around by yourself. hehe i managed to stay away from stores that had a hard time even closing their glass doors. and got some things done anyway.

i had the heels of my shoes fixed because they were on the verge of making me fall off the stairs. i tried to have my cellphone fixed – on which it more or less would cost a LOT. *sob* (i had to try to have it fixed, right? but they’re still trying to fix it until now..). and i managed to get my gwama something. though it was not what she asked for, but i think it was better. hehehe.. and bought myself a pair of flat sandals from Rusty Lopez since i did not have anything to wear to work today, because my only pair of rubber shoes already has a huge mouth, and the only heels i have been run down (of which i was still having fixed..). good thing the sandals i got were cheap and it was actually the last pair of sandals they had which had a size 10 (yes, my feet are big.. ).

since i am such a lazy shopper when i shop alone, i did not buy things that were on the list of things that i need to buy because somebody asked me to, i went home after my small purchases. (as i said, i did not feel like going around because of the lack of a companion)

*sigh* i think il go back to town today… who knows what good finds i might find today. i did manage to find the sandals yesterday.. hehe i want to shop!! this time, i hope dhirrac comes home earlier so we can go around together. even if we do not purchase anything, at least we get some needed time together.

which reminds me.. i have to work tomorrow.. *sigh* see no work, hear no work, speak no work!!!

XOXO