moonclad revelations
i write a short one today.
nothing much has happened, except that i have learned a few things for the past few days. hehehe and rather than rant – again – about my prison camp, i would rather talk of the other things that have happened.
for one, i’m glad to say that i have found a way to air out my childish inclinations to dhirrac. yes, he and i had a talk about how i felt these past few days. and surprisingly, it has gone well so far. i know that i am at fault for the most part, but he has his shortcomings too. and we’ve came to an agreement to extend our patience and understanding of each other as it is our first time, and we have barely reached a year yet. hehe yes, communication really is a must. and for wives, new wives, old wives, whatever, i think its best if we did not look deep into something trivial. sometimes we make the mistake of making something big when it was nothing to begin with. hehe lesson learned.
another lesson for the day, taught my michmich, dont put your bag on the floor. hehe if you dont have money to begin with, dont drive it away by putting your bag on the floor. hehe this lesson depends on those who choose to believe it. then again, whats the harm of choosing to believe it if you have nothing to lose eh..? 
yet another lesson learned.
most important lesson i learned that sometimes i wish i didnt have to learn is that its good to be idealistic, but to expect everybody to conform with your idealism is a gateway for heartache. really!! i learned this the hard way i guess.
i thought that people around me would learn to mind their own business, and that somehow, they would learn to respect others lives. but i guess that is just too much to ask for. i thought that being on “the grapevine” is something a lot of people avoid.. but i guess some people get a knack out of being the big wigs of the grapevine. and most of all, i thought people would be straight up honest about the people close to them… but just the same. i guess i was wrong.
i repeat, there is nothing wrong with being idealistic. and i dont think i’ll be leaving that area soon. but a little jadedness wouldnt hurt either. sometimes you just have to be aware that oftentimes, you get disappointed because those around you are not into your ideals.
XOXO
of little girls and egotistic men
babies grow up so fast. in a blink of an eye, you suddenly find them figuring out ways for them to walk, or to get what they want.
look at my little girl. over 11 months ago, she was but a small, teeny, tiny little baby who i could carry with just one hand. now, i have to use my other hand as a support while carrying her, otherwise i fear i might break my already semi-broken back. heh! all she would do then was sleep, cry, eat, and roll around a bit. nowadays, she has her father’s moodswing, an often sunny disposition, a very healthy appetite (which she has a penchant for the sweet stuff), she really wants to start walking already, and constantly tries to get her own way. then, i would constantly try to stimulate her mind and teach her a lot of things, but now, she learns a lot on her own. *sigh*
i feel like i have just taken a nap, and now my little girl is waking me up to see how much she’s grown in such a short time. to mark her achievement and development, she will be celebrating her first birthday in less than two weeks. this little girl, who has become my world, and the very reason of my existence is growing up! and there is nothing i can do about it. once ive told dhirrac that she will always be my little princess… and she will be. but i have to face the facts that she is ending this year, and is about to step into another one. and, well, i couldnt be prouder.
~~~
… and there are men who are somewhat too egotistic for their own good. i mean, sure, every body has that little something called an ego in them, even women i presume. but it sure is surprising, and a little truthful i guess to find how sensitive some men can be with regard to their wounded ego.
lets take for example, a guy we call “the shark.” now, the shark is a pretty hmmm handsome(?) guy. well not drop-dead gorgeous, anyway. but he has looks, il give him that. now, the shark said he had eyes on a good friend of mine for some time now. he said that it was just admiration (because he has been commited to somebody for 6 years now) but he would like to get to know her or text her – or something. this actually surprised me because he was committed – probably about to be married, and yet he’s trying to contact somebody he admired for years. maybe i just dont understand the logic behind his acts, but he said that there was nothing wrong with it. for me, i find nothing wrong with having crushes and being in a relationship. what i do find disturbing is feeding the admiration or doing something about it. admiration is admiration for me, and if you admire somebody, that’s fine and dandy, as long as you dont do anything about it. but the shark did something about it. he contacted my friend through cellphone, asking if it would be okay if he texted her or that they communicate once in a while. my friend politely declined, saying that it may not be a good idea to do so.
i think he took that in a little to personally, because the next thing i knew, he was talking about how “feeling” or “assuming” my friend was. and that my friend felt like she was somebody beautiful, blah blah blah blah… and i was like, HUH? so i just pointed out flatly that he’s just mad because his ego was wounded by the turn down. i guess that ticked him off because he kept ranting about how my friend and about women, blah blah blah…
in the end, he sent me a sticky note saying how some lines just can’t be crossed. and me? well, i felt guilty in the end… and i said sorry. hehe but i proved my point! didn’t i?
XOXO
~~~~
Even monkeys fall from trees. – Japanese Proverb
tales from the crypt: the return of the poltergeist
just when i thought everything was peachy, the poltergeist returns. mischievous as always, the poltergeist generally means no harm, but due to its nature, it often causes unexplained noises, trouble, and problems.
i thought i left the poltergeist at my old home, but foolish me, i had left footprints in my wake. who wouldnt think to follow them eh? but i cannot leave this new home i have created. it would be much of a waste to pack up and leave when i have just begun to settle in. i just have to wait and see if things come out bad – again. if it does, there must really be something wrong with me or this poltergeist just can’t get enough of its mischeivousness.
i had thought of censoring my write-ups. but that would prove the use of my new home useless. i had found a sense of freedom and homey feeling here. so i guess just have to continue doing my thing, and if the poltergeist uses what i say here, then at least, i have proof of it…!! hehehhe
*sigh* why do poltergeists scare me so..? i guess my walls are building up at the thought of them. its just that they have wreaked havoc in my life in more ways that just one. though i know that they do not mean it, rather they are doing it for my sake (as what they say). it cannot be helped that they just cant hit the mark, and often cause too much trouble by following their own desires rather than considering the people they are following around. tee hee.. *sigh*
it doesn’t matter. ive gotten over it… and i will go on with my life, plagued by the ghosts, goblins, poltergeists, and whatever ghouls from my crypt. i wish my cryptkeeper would keep a keener eye on them.
~~
on other developments, the walls of the prison camp have been raised higher, and the odds of getting somewhere are slim. any hope of getting a little compesation from the tyrants that run the place are deemed hopeless. and BETRAYAL is the word for it (as what my inmates say). ahh..but the renegade side of me is refusing to give in. however, i have to do this more discreetly than possible. inasmuch as i crave to get out of this prison camp, necessity dictates otherwise, and i have to stick around until i have paid my dues.
~~
i feel heartbroken. can somebody heal my heart? yes, i am on [emo] mode right now. i cant help but feel sad right now. confused as i normally am, i am more confused right now because the child in me refuses to think maturely. thoughts that i refuse to cater to, and normally dont cater to, are nagging me non-stop. still, i refuse to cater to them. but the thoughts make me feel bad because i feel like im secretly accusing dhirrac of something he has not done. and im pretty sure he has not done it because i stand witness to his acts. *sigh* it’s the hormones speaking. forgive me.
XOXO
Fiesta
i woke up to the squeals of pain. a sign of the death of a creature brought up, destined to die to serve its master. i try to shut off the noise, but to no avail. the squeals wake up the little one, and now im forced to face yet another day.
on my way to work, the cold wind envelops me and lures me to sleep as i ride the cab. yes, today, i ride the cab for dhirrac slept like a rock after feasting with Bacchus until around 3 in the morning. I had hoped to spend a minute amount of time with him before spending hours in front of a being that refuses to converse with me. alas, he would not be disturbed.
signs of the feast that is about to commence in a few hours are evident on the streets. as early as a quarter before 5 in the morning, instead of seeing empty streets and peace, i find people coming back from the wet market. others are off to buy wood, others are busy cleaning their respective houses and surroundings, and some are even carting off pots of already cooked food. *sigh* and i, surprisingly, do not want to be part of it. i think i have developed this habit of not really enjoying this feast. i remember a time when i used to look forward to this day, but i dont know. something has changed. it used to be that i would house hop either to eat or to hang out with friends. and then in the evening, if there was a decent ride, we would spend the night out. *sigh* but now, i think whatever i found enticing about this day has gone away.maybe its because my friends no longer meet at a certain place, or because of the ties that have been severed over the years. or could it be that i have lost my appetite?? hah! i never had this craving to more than my stomach could hold, so that must not be it. 
or maybe its because of people like the one i saw this morning, lying on the street with his head inside a hole in the fence, drunk to unconsciousness, that make me lose the drive to celebrate. or it could be that after the feast, a lot of people would be grumbling, complaining that they do not have any money for christmas. or reports that i usually hear from my aunt as she comes home from her duty at the hospital that a lot of people were in accidents with their heads crushed, limbs broken, or probably death because of alcohol either direct or indirectly caused. some even have to be admitted because of increases in blood pressure, or blood sugar, or whatever.i no longer see the point of going to extremes of celebrating if a string of problems come after it. and with that, i do not feel like celebrating anymore. but what can i do? right now i live in a house that follows this tradition… so whether i like it or not, HALA BIRA!!
but i do want to say this – HAPPY FIESTA, DUMAGUETE!!!!!!!!!!!! who wants lechon??
XOXO
~~
P.S. I found a little something when i was blog hoppin a few minutes ago.. i thought id share it with the world. i just copied it. the usual disclaimer follows: LETTER to TECH SUPPORT
DID YOU KNOW??
~ A recent study indicates when men crave food, they tend to crave fat and salt. When women crave food, they tend to desire chocolate.
un beau jour
…and there are mornings that just can’t go wrong…there is something about this morning that makes me feel and act chipper. despite the fact that i was up quite late last night, and i woke up earlier than expected, i feel as though nothing could go wrong! and to think i came in late to work! tee hee…
i guess it must be the weather that got to me. its neither cold nor hot outside, the wind is visible in the bamboos outside our building, and i can surely feel its wonderful, wonderful breath. *sigh* this is a perfect day.
i guess happiness never fails to make you look and feel good, even those around seem to notice it. and without even trying, you just glow. isn’t that nice??
a part of my good day is credited to the fact that a little angel woke me up with a sweet smile, a whack on the face, and a hug with a sweet “mama!!” hehe.. some angels get hungry real early in the morning because the did not get to drink their milk before they sleep. hehe.. sweetumz.
anyway, im happy its a friday today, too! that means 1 more day, and the week has ended, and then i can wake up later than 5… although i think i might have to come in on sunday (im saving up for sophie’s big day…:)), it’s cool… there are things you just have to do, even though your heart is not exactly in it, for the sake of those you love.
~~
olive is right. it does not matter what people think… its what i think, and how i feel about myself!! of course, we tend to consider how others feel.. but with regards to our own personal being, there are times that we need to consider how we feel, rather than how others feel about how we are handling ourselves.
~~
today, i say “adios” to a friend of mine.
finally, after years of labor in this prison camp, she has decided to take a leap of faith to discover other possibilities. as of late, she had her eyes on an oasis where a lot of thirsty wanderers have converged to. and, with luck, faith, and innate intelligence plus wit, she was able to secure a comfortable spot in the said oasis.
although i have known her for a short time, she has become a part of my experience, especially with regard to my initiation into this camp. she was one of the first to reach out and teach me the ropes, to make me feel welcome, and to develop my outlook as to the methods of survival at camp. though there have times of miscommunication, misunderstanding, and simple lack of connection over the months that had passed, she still remains a part of me. and i will forever be thankful for her efforts.
with this, i bid you “adieu,” my friend. may you find happiness in that oasis, and, like you, may i find my oasis soon… “take care, and stay strong. never forget the power of self-improvement! hehe”
XOXO
