morbidity in the light…

a few months ago, i had this colleague who loved to search our local drives for hidden treasures and files. before he left the company, he shared with me this poem he found. im not sure what the full text is… or who wrote it. but i definitely do not claim it to be mine. i just want to share it with those who are reading… ENJOY!!!

One person’s despair is another person’s smile

Cruel as it is, its been going on for quite a while

Civilized we call ourselves, the meaning of which is quite far out

In this survival-of-the-fittest world winners are those with all the clout

Injustice and prejudice – we all feel sorry

While all the winners get their coveted glory

How long has this been going on? yes for quite a while

The balance between light and darkness quite fragile

Evil always wins in the extreme

But good shall reign supreme

——————————–

DID YOU KNOW: [its always good to learn something new everyday. right?? ]

Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.

noob.

n00b. i learned this word when i used to play EARTH:2025 on the net for a couple of years. a “noob” is a slang for “novice.” a novice – according to mother merriam webster – is in short, a beginner.

i have nothing against noobs. in fact, i am, in a way, a noob myself. im a noob in so many ways. however, with a particular regard to my job, i might say i am not as much of a noob as the real noobs that were just initiated last saturday into our department.

as i said, i have nothing against noobs. i do, however, object to noobs who already think they’re somebody even when they are a week shy of being promoted. pffffffttttt… noobs like that should be mindful of where they stand, especially if they are what they are – noobs!! i think that they should at least try to respect those who have come first, even if they think they’re smarter and faster, or whatever. because just the same, they are – noobs!

okay okay.. let me tell you about a story of a guy who we shall refer to as – noobie. he is my concrete example of the kind of noob i much so much dislike.

now, noobie started his training give or take 5 months ago. of course, he started like the rest of us. with the basics and learning what must be learnt, and unlearning those that need to be sent to the back of our heads. i was not a part of this since i was ahead of him. i was, however, able to witness what they were like while they started off and even then, i was not the least bit impressed with him. you might describe him as arrogant, and maybe he is. but i gave him the benefit of proceeding without my sharing of my usual opinions to my peers. as months progressed, some of the trainers kept complaining that his batch was one that thought highly of itself. at first, i really couldnt comment on it since they were said to be of the most intelligent groups. what i didnt like was the fact that they did not respect their trainer, just because she was not the same level as they were. i mean, they did not have the same position at work. yes, the trainer did not have their soon-to-be job, however, the fact that she was the one training them meant that she still knew more and was still superior. especially if they were still, well.. NOOBS!!!

months passed and they soon had their first footsteps in the river where we tread everyday. now, noobie, felt that he was already in. yes, they were starting to get a hang of it. but i dont think that meant that he was above everybody else who had already been at their jobs for more than he was.

what ticked me off was when one day, he sat beside me and was going through his paperwork. i caught a glimpse of a note he had attached for the following process, in which he wrote, in a very haughty way what he wanted done. and he even wrote it in all caps, huge letters, with matching exclamation points. nobody, and i mean, NOBODY in our department does that. he was talking to the next department as though he was somebody ABOVE them. yes, we do give out directions – DIRECTIONS not ORDERS/DEMANDS – to the next department. in essence, we are still at their level, only we have the heavier work. i could not let this pass by, so i told him he was acting like a “diva.” i wanted to say that he was acting like an asshole because he was not. he was acting like a prick! i dont think he listened to me. but i do think he was hurt. GOOD FOR HIM!

so anyway, his latest clash with me was just this morning.

done in

i am literally done in. tired to the bone and unable to breathe. i really do need to rest after all the hours spent at work, i think i owe myself a day off. hehehe… but somehow, i cant make myself take that long needed break. why? because even the thought of taking a break makes me feel guilty.
workaholic? you could say that.. i have this notion that if i rest even for a while from work, i might be letting a huge opportunity pass me by. and i dont want any more missed opportunities. and after work, if i as much lie down, i feel like im going to miss a precious moment of sophie’s life that i might never ever be able to take back.
working at almost 6-7 days a week at 8-12 hours a day, it is really tiring. alaine calls it “overkill”. hehehe and then i get tired. who’s to blame? i know..nobody else but myself.
with the pressures of everyday life building up pretty much every second, i cannot help but push myself further in order to provide a better life for those who i love and care for. i guess for me, its probably the only way i can get by a bit easily.
i dont, however, want to kill myself. i dont even want to look too tired. because if i didnt breathe once in a while, i think my body just might give in and then what next? there goes the chance of a smoother living. hehehe
*sigh* so many obligations and so much to do. this is a crash course in adulthood.
~~
who would have thought that i would end this way? its not an ending though.. but it probably was the curtain close to my singlelife. i dont have any regrets. life’s good. i guess im not like many who go on a regret trip and never come back the minute the step on the this train of life.
ive known a lot of people who have regretted the lost time doing their thing. being young, and etc. but, i’m not. well, i cant say it never entered my mind. it did. and for a couple of months, i kept wallowing in my predicament. but somehow, i dont know how exactly, it disappeared. ive come to realize that life is how we make it and it does not matter what happens exactly, in the past, present, or future. but what matters is how you make of your life as it happens, when it happens, whatever happens!! hahaha char!
~~
im blabbering again… im actually trying to relieve some tension right now because im a little bit nervous due to the fact that the company is going to have an ISO inspection today. and im scared sh*tless for fear that i might be the one asked by the accreditors about the whole workflow ekek..and i haven’t studied!!! hehehehe
latez…!!!

XOXO

sib

I have a brother, actually he’s my half-brother but I treat him like a full one, who used to live together with me in my grandmother’s house. That was before I moved out. Up until this morning, he was still living there until he left for Cagayan to be with his father.

Fate dealt my brother with a difficult hand. Since he was a small child, my mother was not exactly that well-off yet to be able to provide him with the best of the best. It was only during the time my mother had another offspring – my sister – when they had a better life. You could say that the experiences my mother had when my brother was still a baby was the pivotal point of her life. And up to this day, I do believe that I am not her significant offspring, but my brother. Rather I think of myself as the one thing in her life that should not have been there in the first place.

I love my brother very much and want the best for him. But due to some turn of events in my life, I was not able to be the best sister he could have. I try to do my best to reach a compromise, though sadly I think I’m still falling short. There may be some things I could do in the future, but as of the moment, I can only do so much.

For the start of this schoolyear, my brother went to a good school, a school I went to all my life. This was his first time in this said school that I believe it resulted in a culture shock. I know he has had some hard times in his life, especially now, that I do understand how he is trying to cope with it. My mother and his father had gone separate ways, and him, being the eldest of their children, had the hardest weight to bear. I dont think my mother understands it this much, but she has problems of her own. As a result of this assumed culture shock, my brother somewhat changed. From being the ever-obedient boy my mother was proud of, he became a little too cocky or thereabouts to some people, being a little hard-headed as well. And that was when the problems started.

I guess my grandmother couldnt take all the pressure and the headaches he was giving her, plus her own problems, that she could no longer control him. And so the trouble worsened. I only learned of all his antics from my grandmother who told me that he was getting uncontrollable, and that somehow my aunts thought it was best that he live with his father, and that his father be the one to take care of him.

I feel sorry for my brother. He wanted so bad to keep on studying here. But he was left with no choice. When we saw each other yesterday, he asked that I help him. I told him that the sales talk was up to him. In order to continue his education here, he would have to find a way to convince his father to let him go to school here. Otherwise, he would have to contend with where his father wanted him to go to. I wish I really could do something. But there is nothing I can do for now.

I honestly feel so sad because it strikes me that he is being passed around. My mother first left him here with my grandmother, and now he’s being transferred to his father. Maybe I’m just touchy or something, but if I was in his place, I would feel as though nobody wanted me. And that the person who is going to take care of me is doing so because he has no choice because I am his obligation. I could be wrong. But I sure as hell wish that I could do something. I know this has money matters, and right now, money is something I just have enough of to live by. And if I did have more than enough, I would take him, and my other siblings and take care of them. For now, I have to let fate take its course. In due time, I swear, I’ll help out somehow.

-= L =-

KSP = Kulang sa pansin (lack of attention)

Lately I haven’t been myself. I’ve been cranky and just moody. Most of my anger is aimed at my husband – who I happen to keep on asking if he is happy with the marriage, me, etc. I know, it is so irritating. I even find myself irritating as I give myself a hit on the head once the words are out of my mouth. Hehehe I’ve been doing it lately that Dhirrac is getting pissed. Hihihih.. I know, I know.. I’m stupid.

Somehow the stupidity comes from the fact that I keep on imagining things that go on in my marriage when there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. In fact, from previous posts, I think anybody can see that everything is fine. Everybody but me…

Up until last night, I kept thinking about negative things… until Dhirrac actually asked me, “What do you want me to say..? I’m unhappy?!” Ehrr.. duh, who would want that? Definitely not I!!!

That was when I tried to examine what was happening to me. And then I realized something. It was pretty simple actually. I was just in need of my husband’s attention. Hehehe… it might sound pretty shallow, but don’t women need a little loving (attention) from the objects of their affection ever so often? Well, maybe not all. But I just realized that I do.

I guess we’ve been too busy with work and with the baby that we rarely find time to spend for each other. Even before we sleep, I guess the tiredness is just there. I miss him a lot. And I want his attention as well. Hehehehe… Is that wrong? It’s just normal, isn’t it?

Anyway, my guess is that one thing feeding to the already present hunger for Dhirrac’s attention is the fact that lately I have been spending time with friends who are a couple. Call me a scorer or a third wheel if you want, but I cant help it because the girl is like one of my closest friends, and we are in the same shift together. And since I don’t have anybody else to accompany me through dinner and breaks, and the girl sits next to me, I cant help but join then when they invite me. Being with the two love birds sort of reminds me when Dhirrac and I were just starting out. They are so sweet towards each other.. haiz.. memories…….. LoL..more later!!

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